This week’s activity was to photograph myself as a corpse. As inspiration, I looked at various photos from Landscapes With a Corpse. After much thought, I decided to take a photo of a representation of my old self.
In grade school, I was occasionally bullied on my appearance. As a pre-teenager, there were few times that I was paranoid about my appearance. I sometimes felt awkward in my own skin because of the previous conditions that my grade school society had placed on me. It is sad that I even had a teacher whom told me that I needed to be more popular. I was an introverted child who was going through some rough times, as my grandfather was in the hospital, and the last thing that I needed on my mind was a teacher giving me a hard time. A teacher. Someone who students are supposed to look up to. A role model for the blossoming future citizens of this country, saying hurtful things to a child with low self confidence. The photo that I took represents how I felt in grade school. I was worried about my weight, hair, face, clothes, everything. I didn’t need to worry about it. In fact, I pretended that I didn’t care about my appearance. I often repeated the words that my mother had told me, “You are here to learn, not to make a fashion statement.”
In middle school, however, I bloomed. I was surrounded with many students who did not know me previously. None of my old friends went to my middle school, so I got to experience making all new friends. I found a new confidence in me that I had not known existed. I experimented with different types of looks, until I found the right one that suited me. I got to express my true self. An old part of me died when I entered middle school, and it was for the best!
In the scene, I’ve included magazines, make-up, a comb, a curling iron, hairspray, a teddy bear, and a measuring tape. The magazines, make-up, comb, curling iron, and hairspray, all represent what my old society had placed on top of me. The photos of “beautiful” women in magazines gave me unrealistic expectations to live up to. The teddy bear is to represent my childhood, and how I would try to find comfort in other things. The measuring tape represents my constant battle with weight and trying to obtain a smaller figure. These are all things that I still sometimes worry about, but I try to work with what I have. Today, there are so many little things to be grateful about, that I am happy with who I am.